it was NOT a good time to be getting on a seattle-bound plane. i was horribly sleep-deprived from hanging out with students and late-night sermon prep, and what had started as a sore throat had evolved into a hacking cough complete with chills and aches. but still, i sucked it up and flew the 2,000 miles to the emerald city roughly 10 days ago....there were weddings to attend, important conversations that needed to take place, and one particularly beautiful girl that i needed to see. when i landed, the previously mentioned beautiful girl was waiting for me, which was enough to make me forget how miserable i felt for a few hours....but as soon as we made it to harmonie's place, i crashed on her bed, where i stayed for the following 7 hours. i didn't sleep well....a few minutes out, a few minutes awake again. during one stretch of consciousness, a very unexpected turn of events took place. the words i will post below, (which ultimately ended up taking the form of a poem), were placed in my mind, line by line. i wasn't praying when it happened, i wasn't reflecting on anything of profound meaning...just lying there, feeling awful....and then the words came, which were soon followed by tears. just an unexpected reminder of how loved i am...of how loved we all are. i hope it encourages you. brian
The city’s just ahead now, Dad, we’re almost where it ends, My eyes are on the gate, as down the hill the road descends. A sea of green sways back and forth; palms line the street before me. Still I have to wonder, would it be better if they ignore me. ‘Cause it’s true, if they keep quiet then we’ll hear the rocks cry out, But my heart still breaks for all of them. They don’t know for whom they shout. The hour is coming quickly, dad, but the 12 don’t hear me weep, Their spirit is willing but their bodies fail, they’ve fallen fast asleep. It’s cold here in the garden, Dad, and I just cannot bear, The thought of doing this alone; are we sure I can’t be spared? There’s no pain I won’t endure for them, no bone that I won’t break, But the thought of you forsaking me; that’s more than I can take. There’s chaos all around now, Dad, screams echo through the night, I see the guards approaching underneath their torches’ light. Out steps a man I’ve known three years; he heeds the soldiers’ wish, For just thirty silver pieces; betrayed by a brother’s kiss. Their fists are raining down now, Dad; I glance up in my fright; All I hear are footsteps fading fast; not one friend still in sight. They’re asking me about you, Dad, their hearts are calloused through, Their insults fly like arrows, though my every word is true.
My silence stirs their anger so I tell them who I am, They tear their clothes and spit on me; I’m guilty where I stand. I know they’ve made their minds up, Dad, and I know this is why I came, But it still hurts to watch a close friend say he doesn’t know my name. This thorny crown makes seeing hard, as I stand at Pilate’s door, Screams come from those who waved their palms and praised me days before. He says he finds no fault in me, then the murderer is freed, Now my clothes are being ripped off has they force me to my knees. They’re tearing flesh from bone now, Dad; blinding pain is cut with fear, Yet part of me still hopes that I’ll look up and see you here. They’ve brought the rugged beam to me, I embrace it like a friend, In a wooden manger it began, on a wooden cross it ends. They place it on my tattered back, I stagger from the weight, A few more steps that I must walk before I meet my fate. My legs fail on the final stretch, but upward still I crawl, I’m thinking of their faces, Dad, as I watch the hammer fall. I look down at the soldiers, who have nailed me to this tree, And pray that somehow they’ll see hope when they look up at me. So please try to forgive them, Dad, they don’t know what they've done, And this will all be worth it if they see that I’m your son. My mom is right below now, and if I could have one wish: I’d blind her eyes ‘til this is done; she shouldn’t see her boy like this. Dad! It hurts! Please make it stop….if you would just draw near... And for the first time ever, I know that you don’t even hear. ‘Cause we put this plan in motion, long before this world begun, And right here in this moment, I know that I am not your son. Instead I’m pride and lust and lies, and all the wrong they’ve done, And I’m crumbling from the weight of sin beneath the hidden sun. I could call down angels if I willed, to make this suffering through, But I’ll stay here pinned by hand and foot, if it will get them back to you. I can feel you looking down again. I knew that you would come. I did it, Dad. We got them back. It’s over. Finished. Done. They’ve bled me dry by whip and nail, my quivering lips are blue, I know there’s not much left of me, but what’s left, I give to you. So in my absence, take care of my friends, on this pain-filled afternoon, ‘Cause It’s a dark and dreary Friday, Dad…. ….but Sunday’s coming soon. | 
